Faith the size of a mustard seed

[April Logan]

As you all know, my husband and I just lost our firstborn son. A son, we weren't sure we could conceive after trying for 2 years. Before Caleb's death, we were told that either he would have to born or I would need surgery to prevent his birth until February. My faith was so strong that I was convinced that the Lord would protect the pregnancy. I slept well that night. I remembered laughing at TV shows, and having witty conversations with the hospital staff. I never once thought about the possibility of death. I KNEW God would protect my son. I KNEW God would not let the devil take his life. I had faith bigger than a mustard seed. However, the opposite occurred. I had to give birth and my son died. Why? It seems as though when I doubt the Lord, He shows his power and might but when I have crazy faith, the outcome is bad for me. Please someone help me! Educate me! Was my faith not big enough? I feel so distant from the Lord right now. I am hurt, bitter, angry, sad, devastated, and shocked.

I need to hear from the Lord!

April